For The Birds

I don't like 'em. They fly, they're pretty ugly and they poop on my car. And me for that matter. Twice in my life in the exact same spot on my right shoulder. Once when crossing my high school's property trying to get to my car, and once as a tourist in downtown Vancouver. Both times though, too damn close to the mane. For the first time since my parents have lived in this house (38 years or something like that) we had the distinct pleasure of a pair of nesting robins gather nature's junk to build a bowl then raise their offspring directly atop our porch light. I tolerated it at first. I don't want to see many birds have harm come to them. Except maybe red-winged blackbirds and seagulls; relax...I have reasons. However, we let the pair stay and pro-create all the while being extremely gracious and not turning on the light for fear of scrambled eggs. At first, Mama Robin and I made friends. She flew away only when I opened the door harshly, but never after dark when we just had staring competitions. Then gradually, she wouldn't even leave the nest during daylight as I came and went. I would greet her hello in my softest gentlest voice referring in 3rd person to myself as Uncle Kevin and I though we had rapport. Well...until Robin Jr's arrived. Then it was war. Papa Robin dive bombed myself and my friend, put out screeches and hollers whenever I was about the perimeter of the house. Kiss my ass Robin; your kids are ugly. The white flag has now been waved. The nest is empty and with a quick Wikipedia search it appears we can probably remove that sucker and bid sayonara to those orange breasted bitches. I'll be on the lookout in further years to be sure and destruct their building just as soon as they put it together. Not on my turf. Bye bye birdie I say! Last year at our office we had nesting Canada geese who attacked cars in the parking lot; annoying and scary all at once as those suckers ain't small. I've been victim of and witnessed attacks via said dive bomb by red-winged blackbirds and well, and since birds can fly and possibly take out an eye, they have power. Many people have asked me if my disdain is because I have seen the Alfred Hitchcock movie, I think it's probably called 'The Birds' and thus been scarred. I've never seen it and I don't intend to. Seeing a dead bird, while a wee bit sad, is trumped by being just plain gross. I can relate with blue herons. They're tall, graceful and keep to themselves. Birds of prey soaring effortlessly while scanning for their next meal can be somewhat fascinating to watch. Feeding ducks is fun (except when the seagulls descend and squawk all proud of stealing from the ducks). Hummingbirds are an anomaly and so deems them entertaining. See, I'm not all evil towards our feathered, and I use the term reluctantly; friends. Had a budgie once as a pet; big mistake. Killed no birds with my car; big surprise. Often eat chicken; big deal. I understand they probably serve some purpose in the ecosystem or whatever, I'm just sayin', I don't like them. Any coincidence that by telling someone to eff off with your middle finger is called 'giving the bird'? Bah!

Toodles