The Name Game

A new life has formed and as the wee bud is doing somersaults and water aerobics in it's protective bubble, another game is being played on the outside. One that involves a variable ping pong of sorts as the parents pass back ideas and suggestions on what they would like their offspring to be named. It's a gamble, a thought process, a pressure that we could only wish more people should and would have taken more seriously. The final signing on that dotted line of the birth certificate: are the epidurals sometimes so powerful that a momentary lapse causes Mum or Dad to bypass the realization that some names are just so horrendous and inappropriate for normal human existence? A friend of mine revealed a story to me recently that her young sister was considering a pretty terrible name for her soon to be born daughter. I recall it starting with the letter P. Petunia, Pepper, Poison...no, wait, I remember. Passion. That's right...you read correctly. Passion. I nearly died. Now I suppose on a certain level I can't really catapult any stones since I quite enjoy the name Pandora. But reviews are fairly terrible on this subject when I broach it in conversation about the perma-unlikely chance of me having children; I am nothing short of shunned when I propose this as a name of choice. It's connotation when preceding the word box do lead me to reconsider upon envisioning through my psychic ball inevitable taunts in the middle school recess yard. Apparently the actual story of the fabled character in history isn't exactly pleasant; but I don't know the tale, and so wish to ignore the background. Faith and cultural obligations are yet another humdinger. I learned recently that those from Ghana are named after the day of the year they are born. As in all 365? Sure...if you're born on Feb 14; Val. That's neat. If you're born on Dec 25; Noel. Precious. The Greeks name the first born after the mothers' parents...okay, I get it. The Jewish surnames of Cohen and Levy having a certain hierarchy; I don't think I understand. There's a whole club or rulebook if you get stuck with one of them on how/when/who you can associate with. Wow! The Cohen brothers make critically acclaimed movies, great! Levy is the last name of a super annoying South African I once worked with, ya. Otherwise...what's so special? Alternatively, I suspect that there could be a certain amount of affliction if, as often they do for example with Phillipinos or Latins, name their boys Jesus...or Muslims assigning a title of Mohamed to their son. Is there a certain responsibility to live up to? On a lighter note; Phil McCracken. That's just funny. Or unfortunate; depending on what end you're at. Twins with rhyming names is cutesy, and perhaps clever...but only to a point. Those poor kids need an identity. Theme names on the other hand, I completely condone. Hyacinth, Rose & Lily. Lovely. Jay, Kay & Elle. Absolutely. April, May & June. Sweet. Pearl, Crystal & Jade. Darling. At the end of the day, or the end of a life for that matter; what kind of legacy do we all want to be left with? If anything, a ridiculous name on a tombstone can make us laugh at a time and place when sometimes a little smile is what's needed. Parents, I ask you...please be ruthless with your decisions. Even if it requires boxing gloves.

Toodles