On the Grey Matter Of Mice and Men

Not that many years ago there was a song released by Kylie Minogue titled 'All The Lovers', and in listening to it recently on one of my daily online video searches, it became loose inspiration for what I'm about to share with you. Sit tight, cause yes, we're gonna go THERE. But really, the video is quite good. And really, if you don't want to have a glimpse into a small part of my carnal existence, navigate to another screen. This is not meant to be explicit, shocking or intentionally eye opening. I've told you in previous entries that there exists a very specific point A to point Z genre of writing that I've penned, but this is not anywhere close. However, proceed with caution and fair warning my faithful readers. When I first ventured in my mind to put this together I wanted to try and make sure it didn't have me come across as a character similar to Blanche from the Golden Girls or Mona from Who's the Boss, but more like the angle at which Carrie wrote from Sex and the City. Carrie, NOT Samantha. I cleared it with and asked my closest friends for their opinions and thoughts on whether I should even delve, and there was an exceedingly resounding YES! And these are the friends who know much more than I would even dare to put in a public forum such as this. One coined it as being '50 shades of Kevin'...and while I haven't read the trilogy (will be starting shortly), I understand the reference and assure you it's not to be so tawdry. I hope. I have been seeing Michael for years. He's got himself a really established life in a great leafy part of the city, owns his home outright on a beautiful lot, drives a spiffy car, great career that he's worked hard for, etc. When I get out of his bed to make my way to the bathroom and look out the wraparound windows onto the sprawling property where he urges me time and time again to just couple up with him cause 'this could all be mine', 'he wants to take care of me', 'why won't I just say yes to being his boyfriend', blah blah blah, I look back and am reminded of the super needy man that watches me walk away each time. When we chat on the phone he continues to try and I continue to explain I really only want him for one thing. I'm nice about it. Promise. And he gets the picture until the next time I drop by. Mark is another needy one. We spend hours at a time together and although these 2 are part of just a select handful I have spent overnights with (maybe that's the problem), literally the only time I get to myself is in the bathroom when I can justify closing the door. I can't check a phone message, change my clothes or even have a shower without him as my shadow. I can't handle clingy. He's about 6 feet tall, 140 lbs if that; so I can feel every bone under his tight body which I like. He's even one of the guys with whom I express my concern since I'm no featherweight when on top of them, but the skinny and little guys like being wrapped up in all that is moi. It works. But the figuratively clingy; not so much. Brandon is another who prefers to be under me. Honestly, it's typically of no concern to me, but he's also on the slight side. Meh. It's thanks to him though that I have come around over the years to enjoy kissing. Far and above, the best kisser I have been with. Maybe a bit too infatuated with biting my bottom lip, but you know when someone just 'has it' with kissing. I'm sure you can agree, it's not an easy quality to come by. He works in hospitality and has free access to hotel rooms practically up the street from home here. Adventurous and uncomplicated, it all works out well. It wasn't until one of our recent romps when we had finished and were just laying in bed I had his left hand in mine around my shoulder and I felt for the first time, his wedding ring. Truly uncomplicated. I don't ask these questions. One of the married men that I deal with however is a bit more open with me about his family life, child, etc. Matt is an architect and I can only see him when he has a work conference that puts him up at a hotel in the city and thus safely away from the wife. He's another that I've stayed the night with, but I assure you I prefer my own empty bed to actually sleep in. He has, however, brought me around to not disliking cuddling however. At first I would digress and get warm in his arms watching tv or whatever, because he liked it. Then visit after visit it would progress to where now with him and others I practically welcome it. Who knew?!? The only other regular who I know is married to a woman is Anthony. He and his wife are professional ballroom dancers, and he has the body to go along with it. I drop over when the wife is either traveling, with the kid(s) at his mother-in-laws, who knows...like I say, I don't ask these questions. Another adventurous one, it occurred to me on a recent visit he had a mirror added as a headboard, and she probably likes it as much as I do. We all know how much I like my reflection. Seriously. But what I like most about him is that this tall, dark, handsome and very masculine man with quite the commanding presence will lock hands with mine and just let himself be vulnerable when we're in the proverbial tango of a different sort. Alex moved to this country with his long time boyfriend, and while they each know the other plays on the side, it's always amusing to me when one will call the other while I'm there and just check if it's safe to come home or not. It's a bit of a 'what I don't know won't hurt me' situation I guess. The passion with him is oddly intense; in a good way. The apartment door is barely shut and our clothes are off and puddled at the welcome mat. Windows and blinds open to the building across the way, why not! Between rounds however we can quickly cool down and while I stare in awe at the ornate art that covers the bedroom walls from baseboard to ceiling, we talk about anything easily, even watch old videos on youtube of Sophia Lauren, or discuss what he's going to cook for dinner for the two of them...I think he's even invited me to stay and dine. Umm, no. Shawn has his girlfriend and brother both living with him, and of course this can be tricky, but he has been making it work. Our coordination has always been pretty calculated, and even though he has a demanding career he often will ask me to stay just an hour longer despite the fact that he has to get up super early. Over the years he's seen me try one career after another and is really sweet in trying to get me to focus on what I want to do with my life. He's a talker. Some of them just are. John is not. We say very few words in person. He's an airline pilot, and whether it's a theme or not, he ironically has a pet bird in his living room. I'm thankful that the cage is covered when I get there, cause I'm pretty sure I haven't let him in on my fear of the things. He's probably the only person I know more turned on by having his neck worked on than I. Can I get a shout out to the neck lovers of the world, please! Sometimes there's a bit too much love however. Nate will sometimes leave me with hickies, as if I'm pre-teen Alyssa Milano from Who's the Boss in an iconic episode I remember (there's a reference to the show again). I'm no longer 12. But it's cute enough I guess. He's away for school right now, but just last week I got a message from him saying he misses my height and kisses. In my world, height is a rarity, it gets me places. Nate is the only one that I have allowed to crossover from just benefits to friends et al. We will actually spend time together out and about sans sex, with perhaps an ass grab here and there, but it's quite rare to be perfectly honest. Bradley is one of very few guys I've ever gotten butterflies for when I see him coming my way. I don't have a thing for eyes, but his are so blue and striking, and he's so into eye contact that I just can't resist. His exhibitionist side makes our meetings a bit of a thrill too. We've been known to put on a show or two to a viewing audience, if you will. Another hook up that is really into eye contact is Sam. He's well connected in the fashion and entertainment circles of Toronto, and the stories are always amusing. Always the daring one with locations, we've even unfortunately had some law enforcement intervention. That's an in person story if you so desire to ask. I see Sam most often. Living in your parents house means it's rare that one can have guys visit. Jimmy and I have to be creative with where we meet up, but he has been able to come by the house every so often. When I write these entries, clean my bathroom, and apparently, sleep with Jimmy, I have the satellite radio on. Commercial free. Sets the rhythm. You know how it is. Turns out he's really into music after all. Now he's got a gym fit body, arms and a chest near perfection, and has really gotten me into his love for Owl City. He wants me to continue to get healthy and sends me his favourite song lists for workouts at the gym. It's nice. He's really concerned with discretion, but not as much as Wes. At first he would wear a hoodie, his room lit only by the street lamps outside. As time has gone on he's been more relaxed and trusting, letting me see his full self, face and all along with his tight 22 year old body. Entry tactics into his building remain low key, literally. When I arrive he ties his condo fob in a scarf and chucks it down to me from his 10th floor balcony, asking me to pretend I'm on the phone when I pass the front desk security. It's cute. The DL guys are possibly the best. Behind the baggy knee length t-shirts, gold chains and fur lined hats lie sensitive, soft spoken and whether it be inquisitive or curious guys, ones who like man-on-man sex. Chris is one of them. When he and I get together, it's great, cause he's over 6 feet tall. Again, a rarity. Only 21, but with soft lips that like nothing more than to start at the nape of my neck and trail down the length of my spine. For this and many other reasons, he remains a top 5 for me. Erik just moved here a couple of years ago because of his involvement with (and now safety from) the gangs in the Bronx. He's a talker. Also 21 or 22, he has the proverbial abs I can wash my wares on and I swear when I have my hands around his waist my fingertips almost touch. A real thin one this one. But also into the holding of hands while we're at it...like I say, the DL guys are great. There is of course however something to be said for experience. When I go over and see Rob in his penthouse, his confidence and proof that this ain't his first rodeo are appreciated. It dawned on me after being there a few times that his headboard against the wall made quite the racket when we were, umm, busy. For discretion and friendly neighbours sake I questioned him on this, only to remember that it's an end unit and so an outside wall. See, even I can be thoughtful sometimes! It's become trickier now that he has taken in his son from the ex-wife. Oh what a tangled web we weave. So there's a peak. In no way do I consider myself the equivalent of a man-mistress to, nor am I 'in love with' any of these recurring cast of players in my extracurricular world. Upon writing and sharing this, I expect to be judged. That's not going to change in the next 33 years, nor in the almost 33 I've lived. I am what I am, I write what I think and know, and who knew, just one little song. Now go watch the video! Toodles