Sense & Sensitivity

Some time ago, maybe a couple hundred years or so...some lady named Jane I think, maybe Austen, Ayre, Of Ark...or perhaps she was an Emma, or a Bronte? Anyways, she wrote a real famous novel that turned into a screenplay with a similar title as I have named this entry. I have not read the book nor seen the movie, I’m not smart enough to follow what’s going on in those kinda period pieces with big words and outlandish costumes. But what I do know is that I have an open mind, I see what I know, and I say what I feel. In an effort to not intentionally offend, I generally lend my opinion on matters only when asked, and I am far from any sort of activist, rebel or change maker on any subject such as politics, religion, human rights, etc. I do know that I have always stuck to the theory that as long as I always tell the truth I never have to remember anything, and that I don’t have a problem when people are talking about me, good or bad. One thing mum has always ingrained when we were children, and up until now...’as long as they’re talking about you, they are leaving someone else alone’. However, what has always gotten me into trouble; is my sharp tongue. I don’t curse, I don’t raise my voice, and I don’t cite arguments from publications or big fancy books of fact. But I am far from politically correct...ever. I am lazy, and will attach my stubbornness to any excuse to not move a muscle or work hard, and as far as I am concerned...I am always right. Not in a know-it-all kinda way, but in a my-opinion-is-fine-for-my-liking kinda way. This is not to be confused with my attempt to always be first. Since I was a wee one. I talk. A lot. Trash, humour, rumour and sometimes about ideas. Typically in that order. In my mid 20’s when I was finding my voice, myself, and what I suppose my ‘essence’ was...I remember making my first attempt at cutting the negative folks out of my life with dirty aura’s, painstakingly oppressive attitudes in general and ones who are just not worth my time and effort. Fast forward 10 years, and I am now realizing it’s not my duty to figure this out, but theirs. Now, delete them from your ‘friend’ list on social media, and they get tres upset. I’ve had a handful of such experiences in 2013 already so far. Oy vey. Recall that sharp tongue and lazy existence I have from earlier? Well, it’s not easy for some to handle...I’m thankful that I have some great people in my life who stick around and tolerate, are amused/entertained by, or thrive on my shenanigans. Bottom line, if you’re too sensitive to handle how I operate, you must remove yourself from the Kevin equation. With what I’m saying or sharing at any time during our relationship, as long as I’m not putting your life in danger, breaking skin or any laws, please lower your blood pressure and move along. I’m not worth your time or aggravation either, truly. Hanging out with and chatting with a friend and work colleague after hours the other day I told her that I’m not really super fond of one of our co-workers, that I can only take her in small doses. In the same breath I was sure to make it known that I’m fairly aware that I am the type who a lot of folks can only handle in small doses...cause I can be a big personality in this big frame of mine. Without missing a beat, she says to me...and I quote ‘Sorry to break it to you, but with you Kevin, it’s impossible to get you in small doses, you know what I’m saying?’. Shame. I am going to lean on the side of compliment with that one, but I am also rational and I get it. Pfft. When I was in grade school, it shouldn’t come as any surprise that I wasn’t exactly loved by many of my teachers. Some understood me perhaps, and appreciated my stubbornness. But I was mouthy. I liked attention...what? who? huh? I may have snapped my fingers in a zed formation a time or two, and brought out my inner Boonifa every so often, but I knew what I stood for. I finished my work on time, always showed up, kept a super organized desk and I had beautiful handwriting...so really, what you gonna do to me? Just try, I dare ya! It’s a wonder I never ended up in the principal’s office back when, or in my adult life in a cop shop or a special meeting with a CEO...it’s gotta be in part cause I know how to be REALLY nice. Surrounding that sharp tongue is a beautiful welcoming smile, and just above; pleasant eyes. In the days before drawing up one of my entries here, I will often discuss with the folks around me the subject matter and they will lend their thoughts and observations. In one recent such convo the debate came to the difference between sympathy and empathy. Since learning exactly what empathy was during my first ‘career’, I have realized that I’m much better at that. Putting myself in someone else’s space, and then feeling bad. Rather than just feeling bad for them. My little friend happened to think I had it all backwards and still am a horrible person for not feeling for folks in a tough spot. Put on your big girl desensitizing panties now, alright. Another person pointed out that this is just my own version and level of sensitivity and people around me need to also understand that. Exactly. Regardless, I am who I am and it’s unlikely I’ll change anytime soon. I ask that people enter my bubble with an open mind, a generous wallet...i mean heart, and as I told an old family friend recently, I have no interest in confrontation or nonsensical opinions being shared. That sort of thing is to be done behind my back, not in front of my eyes. At the end of it all, have some sense and sensibility. Toodles