Getting Old

The countdown is on. I am going to be 27 in just a few weeks. I think about it every so often and realize that I am getting so old. I am rarely the youngest in the crowd anymore. That was always my thing. Sometimes I feel old, my broken body and aching joints and wonder how the heck do people in their 90's make it all along? I try not to be jealous, but it kills me to see younger people than me who have accomplished more. I also try not to live with regrets, but it's damn hard. There are things that I wish I had done so many years ago, but just haven't. Some of it feels foolish to be embarking on when I am closer to 30 than I am to 20, or kill me now, 25. Tear. Alas, we have this new little miracle man in our lives (my nephew Mark) and it has made things a tad clearer, but is that because it's the way things have always been done? Tomorrow's another day closer to older, wiser? DEATH! So be it.

Toodles

Better than Others

I have been to both University and College, and accomplished diddly squat. In my first year at college I saw a counsellor to see what type of profession/job I am supposed to or would like to have. I told her I would like to run a homeless shelter. Because I would instantly feel like there were people beneath me, that I had a 'one-up' on. Sad I know. I have grown and seen things much differently in the 6 years or so since then. Sometime ago, but not as far back as you would think, I went thru mini anxiety attacks whenever in public. I thought everyone was staring at me, I think it was just another variance of thinking I was less than them, that they KNEW they were better than me. To this day, I still feel more comfortable around certain groups of people because I know they are not judging, analyzing, belittling others. It amazes me when I hear a man talk about his house being bigger than his buddies, or a mother bragging that her child walked before another baby that same age. Perhaps I am reading a tad too much into it, even making absolutely no sense, it's just what I have observed, I'm done.

Toodles

Pining Wealth

I don't need or want to be famous. I don't want to rub elbows with others that have more money than they know what to do with. I just want to be comfortable, to be able to get my massages on a regular basis (every morning would be ideal), to drive a good reliable car (or have someone drive me when need be), live on beautiful property (a modern cabin on the West Coast on a peaceful lake) and travel leisurely (once a week every month to a beach destination, or somewhere interesting infused with culture and great meaning). I wouldn't be opposed to it being 'old money' or a lotto windfall. But what are the chances. I have no post-secondary degree, no special skill or talent to speak of and let's face it, otherwise only pretty people run into 'new money'. Alas, I shall live a normal existence, work full time, and try really hard to live above the poverty line. I really am not a Dreamer. Promise.

Toodles

1 Week DC free

Now those of you who know me well, are painfully aware that I have a horrendous addiction to Diet Coke. It was comparable to oxygen for me. Every so often I will go on a cleanse, a strike, a drought...whatever you want to call it. Usually it's cold turkey, down from my 8-12 cans a day to NOTHING. This time it's a tad different...I am drinking only water, and one glass of milk every day. Alcohol doesn't count. We shall see how it goes. I am not entirely sure if it has been made easier because I was on vacation this week, but we will test that this coming Monday. DC can be compared to my nit fix I suppose...a stress relief, comfort zone. Out of 8 days, I have managed to only have 2 migraines, dared once to tread the realm of ice cream (which always requires an epilogue of the liquid drug/gold), humbly ordered 'ice water' at numerous restaurants instead of asking 'do you have Coke products?' and stared the case in the fridge square on that taunts me by the hours...but I have made it. Wish me luck as my minor struggle continues.

Toodles

Small Engine Repair

I ain't gonna lie to you. I have a lot of friends. Okay, maybe more acquaintances, but I have learned that I am easily able to pick and choose who I want to surround myself with. I also choose my family, but that requires a whole 'nother blog all in itself. Staying away from negativity and pettiness has proved easy for me in the last while, and ironically it's those same people I have cut out of my life, that I now realize I never really LAUGHED with. I love to laugh, I like to try and make people laugh. I was on the phone tonight with a good friend and we talked about her desperately wanting to meet just a decent man. She said she was going to join a club or class, she came up with 'Small Engine Repair'. Just picture our conversation, I found it HILARIOUS. That's it.

Toodles

What's in store?

Back from NYC and ready for 2007. I can honestly say that 2006 was a great year for me. I haven't been able to say that in a long time. Wednesdays are my current favourite day of the week. Not because it's 'hump day', but because Real World Denver is on at 10pm. I also can't complain after just getting home from an 80 minute massage at the spa. Life is good, but the view through these rose coloured glasses might just change drastically quick. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I want to read more, eat out less, be more committed to working out and with making or returning phone calls, volunteer with animals, save some money, see Europe...man would I be busy?!? But alas, I will work, sleep, eat and get behind on laundry...then start the week over again. Fun. Wow, this is depressing.

Toodles